If you’re a man, you’re supposed to be brave, independent, confident, and aggressive. If you’re emotional or dainty, you’re probably gay.
Most people living in America are probably familiar with this stereotype. Men are expected to behave “manly”. But what does “manly” mean? Why do we associate being a male with acting in a dominant behavior? Are beta males even considered men?
The history of patriarchal societies has definitely played a major role in this standard way of viewing men and masculinity. In the past, societies saw men as the only people capable of holding powerful positions, creating a trend that’s still prevalent in today’s society. Though our governmental structure has changed much from that era and many women are authority figures, the stigma still surrounds men where they feel the pressure of maintaining those roles.
However, the outcome of this has been extremely detrimental to men’s physical and mental health. In the podcast, Guys, We Have A Problem: How American Masculinity Creates Lonely Men, Vedantam addresses the effects of this conventional image of men. He delves into real people’s experiences as well as studies done with research supporting the shared ideas in the podcast. Not only does he explain what the conventional image of men is, but he discusses how it’s harmful and leads to social isolation.
Vedantam states, “the consequences [of misguided notions of masculinity in the United States are] stressed-out romantic relationships, physical health problems and a growing epidemic of loneliness.” Most people wouldn’t realize that the lack of emotions we expect from men would affect them physically, but it’s been proven in many studies that good relationships aid in preventing physical sickness.
The fact that men are expected to not show emotions has led to them trying to deal with these emotions in harmful ways. The su*cide rate in men is about 3 times more than that in women. In the podcast, an expert shares her opinion on this statistic. “I just don’t think it’s coincidental that at the very time you hear their language – the love in their language, the emotional attunement in their language diminish, and the anger, the frustration, the I-don’t-care voice comes into their stories is the exact same time that the suicide rate increases.”
The twisted ideas of ‘what it takes to be a man’ contributes further to the loneliness in men. Men are still humans. They have the same emotional and social capacity as women. Why do we as a culture try to strip them of this? Making friends has been made into a girly, gay thing when in reality, it’s simply a human thing.
The fact that we equate sexuality with being sensitive can also be seen as embedded homophobia in our society. Though, “boys of all sexual orientations find themselves in straitjackets that tell them that there’s something wrong if they appear excessively emotional… The model of the tough guy who doesn’t need others, who can move through the world without being bruised by it – this model affects all boys” (Guys, We Have A Problem: How American Masculinity Creates Lonely Men).
This begs the question, “How do we as a culture change the culture to normalize, to humanize this fundamental human need and capacity of reading the human world and engaging with it and having quality relationships?”
Although there isn’t a simple solution to having major societal changes, there are ways to stop your contribution to the problem. Teaching boys it’s ok to be vulnerable and not shaming men who talk about their emotions, or love, or their friends are some small but impactful actions that can contribute to allowing men to indulge in human behavior.
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Wow, this was a waste of time. I’ve read blogs much better than this.
Your intro was extremely aggressive for a blog that continued to be lackluster. I especially disliked the phrase, “You’re probably gay,” making an assumption like that is a big statement, yet it seems so unrealistic it weakens your argument.
I completely forgot you listened to a podcast by the time you introduced it, and who even is Vedantam? Never heard of them, and I don’t care to by the way you introduced them.
I wish you would have gone more in-depth on your quotes. You listed some then barely acknowledged that you did.
I disliked “su*cide”. There’s no shame in using the real word, don’t be afraid to make a bold statement without getting flustered as you seemed to there, it weakens your argument.
I question your conclusion. No one assumes men aren’t humans. That’s a reach. It makes me pull away from your entire post.
Finally, your language was extremely boring. YAWN. Am I reading a blog or a guide to soothe insomnia?
Try harder next time.
Emily :3 ❤
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Your mom liked it
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After reading Emily’s comment, I feel like she’s making fun of ME as the commentator even as she’s making fun of YOU as the author. Harsh.
Emily is wrong about this being a waste of time, but at least two points that she makes good ones, and they both deal with the way you are integrating the text. You SHOULD introduce Shankar Vedantham more completely when you first mention him (use his full name, and maybe call him the “host”). You should probably do the SAME with the guest. What’s her name? What does she know? AND, when you go BACK to quoting from him later, don’t use the (parenthetical notation), but instead use They Say Cues like “Vedantham argues…” or “According to Vedantham…” And Emily’s point is a good one that often it would pay off to add a sentence after the quote that begins with, “In other words…” or “What this seems to be suggesting…” (Kaydee Martin did this REALLY well in her most recent post, if you want to see what it looks like)
The development here is pretty good, but I can’t help but feel like you stay sort of VAGUE. You are taking for granted a lot of the time that we KNOW what this sort of behavior looks like. You ask the question, “Why should emotions be seen as weakness?” Without ever painting a picture for us of the world that you are critiquing. More minor examples might go a long way toward making us feel like we can SEE the problem you are addressing.
I continue to be impressed by your interest/willingness to attack these important social issues HEAD ON.
Emily, if your mom liked it so much, she should have left a comment!
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Thank you for the constructive criticism. I will try to not let it hurt my feelings.
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